The Ceremony

AMY:

Spinoza, a 17^th century philosopher, writes: “Love towards a thing that we think of as free must be greater than towards a thing subject to necessity. Deeming themselves to be free, humans feel more love towards one another than towards other things.”

Dear Friends, we have come together to behold the marriage of Will Roberts and Hasana Sharp, to surround them with our energy, and to share in their joy. While Hasana and Will are also to be married in a Canadian civil ceremony, today we engage in what we philosophers like to call a “speech act.” In this speech act, Will and Hasana are affirming their love for one another in front of friends and family in their native country and near Hasana’s hometown.

This marriage also affirms a relationship that has lasted the trials of separations where the parties lived in different countries, a relationship that has withstood the intellectual but perhaps above all personal developing that happens in graduate school. Indeed, in his personal reflections about the wedding, Will remembers the overwhelming experience of being on Hasana’s side: first, on her side of the argument, siding with her ideas in the classroom and arguing together against the grain of common opinion; and now, on her side in their mutual enjoyment of the world and of life. Hasana too remembers Will as “saying smart things in the classroom” and was attracted to the way he is engaged with the world rather than withdrawn from it.

We come together today to affirm this engagement and this sharing of sides. We will not cement Will and Hasana’s affection for one another with the words of a traditional marriage contract— I am afraid that, as political philosophers, we are all wary of this for one reason or another. Instead, this ceremony is designed to affirm the strength of Hasana and Will’s feelings for one another, and to recognize their desire for one another as an active project rather than a pleasure that is passively undergone.

Because we come to affirm the active intensity of Will and Hasana’s love for one another, we will begin as well as end with a kiss.

Hasana and Will have each asked one of their dearest friends to give their support to the marriage by choosing and reading a text. For Hasana, this friend is Mufridah Nolan. She will be reading Walt Whitman’s “When I Heard at the Close of Day,” from Leaves of Grass

MUFRIDAH:

When I heard at the close of the day how my name had been receiv’d with plaudits in the capitol, still it was not a happy night for me that follow’d;

And else, when I carous’d, or when my plans were accomplish’d, still I was not happy;

But the day when I rose at dawn from the bed of perfect health, refresh’d, singing, inhaling the ripe breath of autumn,

When I saw the full moon in the west grow pale and disappear in the morning light,

When I wander’d alone over the beach, and undressing, bathed, laughing with the cool waters, and saw the sun rise,

And when I thought how my dear friend, my lover, was on his way coming, O then I was happy;

O then each breath tasted sweeter—and all that day my food nourish’d me more—and the beautiful day pass’d well,

And the next came with equal joy—and with the next, at evening, came my friend;

And that night, while all was still, I heard the waters roll slowly continually up the shores,

I heard the hissing rustle of the liquid and sands, as directed to me, whispering, to congratulate me,

For the one I love most lay sleeping by me under the same cover in the cool night,

In the stillness, in the autumn moonbeams, his face was inclined toward me,

And his arm lay lightly around my breast—and that night I was happy.

AMY:

Sometimes one undergoes pleasure like fate or nature, without taking an active part in its construction. For this reason, we prefer desire to pleasure, since desire honors human freedom and choice and does not require us to passively endure a fate imposed by strong feelings. Desire is the force which moves us to actively shape our love, and, in this marriage, Hasana and Will are seeking to make something out of their feelings for one another rather than simply experience them.

Love too is something we actively construct and reconstruct. Like desire, love at its best is an active project, built and rebuilt in daily actions, thoughts, habits, and speech. It is in this spirit that Will and Hasana have each composed something about what they want from their life together, something that they will now reveal to one another for the first time. I now invite first Hasana, and then Will, to share these thoughts.

HASANA:

As if the collective will present here today comprised some kind of genie, I have three wishes. I know that I need to do more than speak them in order for them to come true, but I take all of the good will present here to be a vital, energizing force to help me realize these most ardent desires. Here goes:

First, I want always to remember how you, Will, appear to me today.

Second, I want to welcome the many surprises and transformations that our lives together will involve.

Third, and most of all, I want you to feel loved, happy, and encouraged to be who you are and who you will become.

WILL:

I’ve been trying to find ways of talking about what we’re doing here today that don’t resort to words of possession—having, holding, keeping—because I don’t want to capture and preserve you or our relationship like a flu in amber. So…

As you know, there are some magnificent trees right out on the coast. Growing old under the constant force of the ocean wind, these trees are far more beautiful and rugged than their cousins in the quiet, sheltered valleys.

I want to grow old as those windswept trees grow old, growing and taking shape under the constant influence of the singular force of your love. I want to be exposed to your love above and before all things. And I want my love to be such a wind for you, too.

AMY:

Will’s dear friend Beth White will now offer us a second reading.

BETH:

From the moment I was asked to read today I’ve known what I wanted to say to Will and Hasana. I’ve also known that I wanted to say it in the words of someone poetic and eloquent. Thus began my search. I started with bell hooks. I moved to Shakespeare. I looked to poets, teachers, rabbis. Any one piece said only part of what I wanted to say, and taken together the sentiment was lost.

I wanted what I read to be a gift that would last long beyond the ceremony. I imagined giving them a framed copy of the piece that I would read. I imagined Will and Hasana hanging it on the wall of their home—a fond memory, but also a place to turn in difficult times. I wanted words that evoked all of the confidence of their vows today and held the possibility of tomorrows filled with trust and optimism.

After all that searching, I found what I wanted to say best expressed on a pin: “Love is Radical.”

Will and Hasana—I don’t have framed words for you. I don’t have a poem. I have pins. I know that your capacity to love one another will continue to grow and make you each better for it. I know that honoring your love for one another in your community of family and friends makes each one of us better people. And, absolutely, I know that your love for one another makes the world a better place.

I hope that as you embark on your commitment to love one another you will give it your all. Because, I think, love lived to the fullest is even more radical. And I hope that you continue to share your love with all of us here so that we may celebrate and support you.

If I could improve on the words of the author of this pin, it would only be to say: Love honestly and well. Love fully. And keep sharing that love. Do that alone and you will be doing your share and more to make each others’ lives and the lives of those around you more perfect. Will and Hasana, you have my warmest wishes and my utmost gratitude for your choices to live and love radically.

AMY:

Hasana and Will, do you affirm your willingness to enter this marriage; to share all the joys and sorrows of your relationship, past, present, and future; and also to offer one another your mutual trust, love and affection. Please answer “We do.”

WILL & HASANA:

We do.

AMY:

Friends, family and loved ones. Do all of you, by your presence, pledge to actively nourish, encourage, and enjoy the relationship between Will and Hasana; to share the joys and sorrows of their relationship, past, present, and future; to offer them help when they need it and to accept help from them when they are able to give it? Please answer “We do.”

ALL:

We do.

AMY:

As a further sign of this affirmation, I would like to invite first Will, and then Hasana, to share the vows they have written for one another.

WILL:

I love you, Hasana, without reserve, and take you, just as you are, above all others, to share my life.

HASANA:

I love you, Will, without reserve, and take you, just as you are, above all others, to share my life.

AMY:

I am pleased to announce the marriage of Hasana and Will, and especially to invite them to kiss one another for a second time.

Companionship, friendship, and love are virtues that call us away from loneliness. May you both continue to find all of these virtues and still other virtues in your relationship, especially as you enjoy the physical proximity that next year will bring. And remember to delight not only in one another, but also in your friends and family, those present here, and also the new friends you will make in your new home together. And so we will proceed to the celebration.

Please join me in congratulating Will and Hasana on their marriage.